The NO H8 campaign  is going strong in Second Life so I decided to fool around with a few pictures of my avatar. Here are a couple of the first shots. I didn’t realize you’re suppose to wear a white tee and jeans so my unofficial pic is in black. I’ll redo them.

And then.. true to my absent-minded nature. I got all dressed up in a white tee and forgot the duct tape and noh8. Bah! lol

Wow.. funny how life gets going right? I know. Well I’ve just been laying low these past few months. Working, learning how to sculpt with ZBrush and trying to actually get out and enjoy life. Went to a few of the Pride celebrations. Hilarity! Got a new puppy dog. I’ll share pics.

 This is Delilah. She is one of 3 rescues I got one day while I was cruising the shelter looking for a potential companion for Cooper… That’s a whole different post. lol

I have to admit, I have not been thinking much about Prop. 8 or what it will or won’t mean for me. I’m not even in a relationship right now, let alone looking to marry my same-sex partner. However, if and when the time comes, I would like that right and would like to have the same privileges and rights my heterosexual counter parts receive. We all pay taxes. We should all have the same benefits and responsibilities.  See, being in a committed relationship is not just about sex with one person, it’s a responsible act.

I was driving to my local dog park – a place I go every single day with Coop. It’s in an older wealthier part of town – Stockdale Estates. Old white republican money. Anyway, I don’t see many political signs on the lawns like most election years. I’ve seen only one “vote republican” plaquard.  Yesterday I noticed at least 20 different “Vote YES on Prop. 8″ signs and bumper stickers. One house had at least 5 of them on their lawn.  The signs have little stick figure children holding hands… looks like a child’s drawing. Hmmm… I was puzzled about that as I wasn’t even aware that the gay marriage issue IS Prop 8. I had to come home and look at my sample ballot. AH! WTH?!? 

Of all the issues before us you people care about who I may or may not marry? Wow. Yes, you people. It bothers me so much that we have to fight so hard for every single right that the average white american gets automatically. I’m Black, a woman and lesbian. Every time I turn around one of my rights is under seige.

I’m different. Deal with it! If we were all meant to be replicas of Ken and Barbie GOD  WOULD HAVE MADE US ALL THE SAME. And if you think that keeping gays from marrying will prevent you from having to explain to your children who gay people are, you’re delusional – or irresponsible.

I have the right to be in a committed relationship. I have the right to create a family, to have or adopt children and provide them with a loving home. I should have the right to claim them on my taxes, to add them to my insurance and to provide them with the same benefits other families receive. Why not??

 So, I woke up today to find that I had a flat tire. It’s time consuming, inconvenient and a bit dirty but overall, not a big deal. What I did find interesting is that absolutely no one stopped to help me or offer assistance. I’m not some big burly man-butch. I’m a 5′2 rather small female who was clearly struggling with the whole process – from dragging the spare out, to taking off the lug nuts, to jacking the car up and so on. I handled it but not before noticing the guy who walked past me at least 4 times. He had absolutely nothing to do because he was waiting for the maintenance man to let him into an apartment to paint… I was fired up by that for a few reasons.

First of all it’s just common courtesy to ask if someone needs help. If I walk past someone who appears to be struggling either with their bags or whatever, or if they’re on the side of the road having car trouble, I’ll at least stop to see if they need to use my phone or something.. especially if I’m not in a rush to be somewhere.

Secondly, I’m constantly hearing men bitch about how women these days are so quick to act like we don’t need them. We’re so independent, especially butch/stud women. “Oh you think you’re a man.” “You think you can do what men do”… Ok well here was a perfect opportunity for a man to assert his manly strength and chivalry… what happened? Hmph… be all that you can be. I’m not blocking, stopping or hating on any of it.

This brings me to a conversation I had with a male friend of mine. We were talking about how we were raised as children and how we would raise our own when it comes to household chores and responsibilities. He was raised in a house full of women. Though I have older brothers, I was raised an only child by my aunt. He was raised to take out the trash and mow the lawn. I did it all – from lawn work, to laundry, to taking out the trash, cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, cooking, cleaning the kitchen – you name it, I did it.  I appreciate the experience because it HAS made me self-reliant.

I’ve often heard it said that in our community we coddle the boys and raise the girls. We teach the boys that their only responsibility is to take out the trash and play sports. But the girls, we expect them to take on the role of secondary mother, taking care of younger siblings, even to the point of sacrificing their own ambitions. I’ve witnessed this with my mother and her siblings, children and now grandchildren. She’s the oldest of 7 – 2 girls 5 boys. She had to take care of the boys while all they did was rip run and terrorize. As a result, none of them amount to a hill of beans. She coddled my brothers, sending them endless amounts of money to bail them out of one fix or another – always rescuing the boys. Me, eh, I’m a girl. I can make do. Now she’s raising my brother’s 5 kids, Yes, the ones he literally dropped off on her door-step when the youngest was 9 months old and the oldest was 8 (they’re now 10-18 yrs old). After a family function, the girls, who have been working like little Hebrew slaves all day, cooking, catering and preparing, return to the kitchen to clean up. The boys retreat to the tv room where they chill with their grandfather on the couch.

It’s insanity to me.

Anyone who is raising a child has the responsibility of teaching them to be independent and self-sufficient. Boys need to learn how to cook, clean and wash their own clothes. Perhaps they’ll learn to appreciate it more when they find someone who is willing to do it for them. Don’t expect it – appreciate it. And young ladies need to know how to hold their own because there may not always be a big strong man to do it all for them.

I’m just saying…

Bruce, Shadow and Coop chillin

Cooper and I recently discovered the Kroll dog park here in town. Man, we love it!! It’s one of the best places to take your dog for socialization. They can romp, run, fetch, and play off the leash. By the end of our trip, Cooper is worn out and ready for a long nap. I just wish they would do something about the drainage problem.  Seems there’s a sump collecting nasty muddy water – naturally it’s the first place Coop runs to when he enters the park. The smell is terrible. If you can get past that and keep your pup out of the puddles, it’s a great place for them to be. He rips, runs and screams like a wild banshee. I love it.

Here’s a few things to be aware of if you’re planning to bring your pup out to the park:

1. There are a lot of dogs at the park – all breeds, all sizes and all aggression levels.
2. It’s customary for a large group of dogs to gather around a new pup entering the park.  If you’re not sure how your dog is going to behave or be received, keep them on a leash until you and they feel safe.
3. They run, chase, chew and play with eachother. Sometimes it gets rough. Sometimes there is bullying. Most times they work it out on their own and go their seperate ways. Keep an eye on your pup at all times. You may need to leash your dog to get them away from another overly playful one.
4. DO NOT BRING A FROO-FROO DOG TO THE DOG PARK! If you don’t want your dog to mingle with the others, keep them out. There are plenty of on-leash parks to walk your dog in. We come to play and we play hard & dirty!
5. You must have your dog fully vaccinated before you bring them out.  There’s too much licking, nibbling, slobbering and sharing of water to risk exposing your pup unvaccinated.  This typically means your pup should be at least 4 months old. I don’t think it’s legal for them to get their rabbies shots before that age.. but don’t quote me on that.
6. Responsible animal owners pick up after their dogs. Please do so. No one wants to step in their mess.
7. There are buckets around the park filled with water for all to drink. Fill them up if you see they’re empty or dirty. Bring your own if you’re concerned about your dog sharing water.
8. It’s almost pointless to hold training sessions with your dog in the dog park. There are too many distractions. Just let them play. Stop, drop it and NO! commands are about all you can hope for on a good day.
9. It’s not a good idea to bring small children to the park. Some dogs run at full speed and they don’t watch where they’re going. Watching out for your dog and the dogs around you will be enough.
10. Check your attitude at the gate. Stuff happens. Be responsible. Be polite. Keep it moving. Have a good time.

I met someone yesterday while I was roaming around blackplanet.com. Young, accomplished, educated, lives in my town. No children. No apparent drama. Lives alone. Single. Likes the same type of music. Enjoys the same type of activities. Sounds perfect, except he’s a he and not a she. Bah!

Isn’t it ironic how that happens, especially on the net? You meet someone who seems to have all the qualities you want or are looking for but somehow it seems too good to be true. Usually is! You meet them and they’re perfect except for their snaggle teeth and funky breath or they’re a foot shorter than you can even deal with or they have an annoying way of spitting on you every time they talk. It’s always something… lol.

He was saying it’s hard for him to find a young, attractive, single black female who doesn’t have children or baby daddy drama… Now that’s crazy… but I know it’s true. It’s hard for me to find them also.. AND, if I do find them, there’s no guarantee they’re even lesbian or into me.

 In the words of Rev. Run “Whadda-ya-gonna-do??”

I haven’t updated in awhile because I’ve just been tired. A few things have happened since my last update though, so I’ll share.

I went back in on Wednesday of last week and the doctor performed liposuction on my left breast to drain out a lot of blood. Seems the 10cc’s at a time was a bit much. Now… the liposuction was an experience, to say the least. I won’t even call it pleasant. In fact, it was scary. He drained off another 150 cc’s.

Last Friday I went back in and he reinstalled the drain. I’m sure “install” is not the right term, lol, but I can’t think of another one at the moment.   I don’t mind the drain that much. At least it’s a constant release of pressure. It’s just a bit tedious to keep up with.  The doctor said it’s blood that has already died off but I am considerably more tired and drained than usual. I feel like I’m back at week one post surgery, instead of week 4. It’s all good though. The bruising and swelling have gone down considerably. The stitches are beginning to dissolve, except for the ones around the drain insertion.. of course. I go back in tomorrow to have the drain removed, but somehow i think it’s going to stay in for the weekend.  They generally like to see the blood running a bit more clear but as you can see it’s still quite dark.

When the doctor finished stitching in the drain, he told me to go ahead and shower as usual, which I found quite funny.  I don’t normally shower with a bulb hanging from my boob that I have to clip onto my shower caddy. Eh.. makes for careful hair washing, for sure.  I woke up after a nap once, to find Cooper with the bulb in his mouth! Now.. that was excitement. Kind of like talking a jumper down from a window ledge. I now keep the bulb neatly tucked inside my sports bra… away from little puppy teeth!

At any rate, all is well. I keep reminding myself that some things just take time, and healing is one of them.

Peeeaaace!

(Over 20 of these syringes were used to drain the blood from my left breast today)

Today was a beautiful day, indeed. It’s the 15th day after my breast reduction and as you know I developed a very large hematoma on my left breast. It’s been dramatic to say the least. I’ve been to the doctor every single week day since the surgery for either an ultrasound treatment or an ultrasound followed by a draining off of the accumulated blood.

The doctor said that 14 days after the hematoma develops, it will liquefy and begin to be reabsorbed or able to be drained off. He removed over 200 cc’s of blood today. It was crazy to watch him fill and refill 10 cc needles over and over again as he aspirated my breast. What a tremendous relief to have all that pressure off.  It’s made a great difference in the size as well as feeling. I’m pretty pleased. I’ll go back in on Thursday for another treatment, as he is pretty certain some re-accumulation will occur. I’m hoping much less than before. We’ll see.